I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.E.N.T.

I make jokes all the time about how Kairo is a little grown man. From wanting to do everything himself to insisting things be done his way, he’s definitely 2 going on 20. I’ll admit, most of his independence is a direct derivative of who he is (Virgo and Life Path #5), but I like to think I play a small part in it too. I’ve been very intentional in providing him with the freedom he needs to explore and learn. We never used playpens or gates, I’ve rearranged many things in the house to be at his level, and he has a huge say in how we spend most of our time.

Allowing him to learn on his own is very much my parenting style, but it’s also a school of thought I’ve incorporated into my approach. Have you ever heard of Montessori? One of the major elements of this philosophy is freedom within limits. This basically implies that children are humans who deserve respect and an opportunity to express a level of autonomy. Increasing their confidence and intrinsic motivation by allowing them to do every day things and make decisions is a major component. Montessori parenting is allowing your child to have freedom within parameters, exposing them to everyday life, and respecting them through your words and actions.

I mentioned before that I never used playpens or gates. While this was very stressful when he first learned how to crawl and walk, I felt that he needed the freedom to explore. I knew that I would use the playpens or gates as a crutch to not be as attentive so I challenged myself to always pay attention. This allowed him to explore which is exactly what he wanted to do now that he could move. It also built our trust. From an early age, I was expressing to him the dangers of playing near or on the steps. Eventually he began to understand and never even thought about going near them (until he learned how to go up and down them…but that’s a whole different story).

Giving him freedom to explore the house was just one way that I fostered his independence. Another thing I’ve done is arrange his toys in a way that allows him to decide what he plays with. All of his toys and books are on a shelf that he can reach. I limit the number of toys that are out at one time and I rotate them periodically to help keep his attention, but other than that, I do not control which toys he chooses to play with. He doesn’t need to ask me to help him get anything, and he can play freely until he’s no longer interested. When we’re in the play room, I also bring the potty in and allow him to walk around with no diaper so he can freely and independently relieve himself when he’s ready. When he doesn’t need us to help him take his diaper off, he does a really good job of peeing and pooping in the potty.

I also rearranged the kitchen so his plates, cups, and utensils are in a cabinet that he can access without help. He’s learned to set the table while I make dinner and he’ll hand me his bowl or plate so I can serve him his food. Kairo also climbs up on a stool and washes his own hands. He enjoys playing and helping in the kitchen so much that I had to buy him a toy kitchen to allow his curiosity to roam.

These are just some of the ways I’ve created an environment of independence and exploration. He also walks with me when I walk Ziggy, he picks out his own clothes, and brushes his own teeth. I talk to Kairo like he’s an adult. I have never dumbed down my language or used “baby talk”. I’ve even started talking to Kairo in Spanish. I always give him a run down of our day so nothing is a surprise and he can tell me if he’d rather do something else. I’ve noticed that me respecting him and treating him like a whole human with opinions, like and dislikes, is strongly reflected in how he listens to and respects me (I’ll let you know if this continues as he gets older lol).

While granting him freedom, it’s obviously extremely important to observe and maintain a safe environment for exploration. One of my favorite things to do is expose Kairo to something new, and I believe this approach to parenting and learning does just that. I once read that our job as parents is to make sure our kid can live without us. Obviously Kairo couldn’t do that yet because he’s a toddler, but I’m really proud of the way he’s learning to do things on his own and having the freedom to express himself.

Stay ViKtorious, Mama!