Pump It Up, Pump It Up!
If motherhood teaches you one thing, it’s how to go with the flow.
When I found out I was pregnant, I knew immediately that I wanted to breastfeed my baby. I wanted my son to have all the health benefits of breastmilk and I wanted to continue bonding with him. My midwife suggested that I take a breastfeeding class prior to the birth of my baby, but I, like so many other new moms, assumed breastfeeding would come naturally. Instead of enrolling in a formal breastfeeding class, I signed up at YouTube university. I was confident watching videos and natural instincts would lead to breastfeeding success.
We followed all the steps to encourage a successful first latch. I even met with a breastfeeding consultant to ensure we were doing things correctly. I ended up needing a nipple shield but other than that, it appeared that all was well. Kairo was having plenty of dirty diapers so I assumed he was getting enough milk. It seemed like we had this breastfeeding thing down!
At Kairo’s second doctor’s appointment, his pediatrician expressed concerns with his weight gain. Most babies lose weight after birth, but they generally are back to their birth weight after 2 weeks. Unfortunately, Kairo had lost weight and was not gaining it back quick enough. His doctors attributed this to my lack of milk supply (which spun me into a spiral of mom guilt, but I’ll talk about that in another post) and suggested we give him formula to help him catch up.
Obviously, I was devastated, but I did as they suggested. Though I turned to formula temporarily, I was still committed to ensuring Kairo had the best, so I started pumping around the clock to increase my supply. I also joined Facebook groups for support from other pumping mamas, and in doing so, I learned that this is a pretty common experience. Many other mamas have been shamed by their child’s pediatrician about their “low milk supply”, only later to find that they did not actually have a low milk supply but that their supply took a little longer to come in fully.
“It was never my plan to exclusively pump, but as motherhood (and life) will teach you: f*ck your plan!”
So here we are, a week short of 11 months postpartum, and Kairo has been thriving off of pumped milk since he was 2 months old. I managed to increase my supply so that I make just enough for his bottles each day. I’ve never had a freezer stash and I’ve rarely had milk left over in the fridge at the end of the day, but my body has continued to produce the perfect amount of milk for him, and for that, I am grateful. It still blows my mind that not only did my body grow a human, it is continuing to nourish that same human. The woman’s body is beautiful, mysterious, and a true testament to the wonders of God.
Anyone who is an exclusive pumping mama will tell you that this journey can be isolating and extremely lonely. When I started my pumping journey, I never would’ve thought I’d last this long. You have to stick to a very rigid pumping schedule in order to maintain your milk supply. In the beginning, I was pumping every other hour (8+ times a day) even through the night and barely getting an ounce (it was humbling to say the least). Those first few months were really rough. Honesty, I don’t think I would’ve made it this long pumping without my support system. Kairo’s father, my parents, my sister, and my grandma have all watched Kairo for me while I step away for 20 minutes to pump. Shout out to yall!
It took me about a month of consistency to increase my supply to what it is now. Kairo has also started eating solids so the demand is not nearly as high as it used to be. Currently, I’m down to just 4 pumps a day and it’s no longer as demanding. Things are so much better now. I’ve noticed improvements in my mental health now that I’ve been able to find time to exercise, sleep, and socialize a little more. For me, freedom came when I stopped trying to be overly modest. It took me a while to be comfortable with pumping around other people and for months, I only pumped in my room. But today, I can say that I’ve pumped almost everywhere: the movies, at work, the mall, on road trips, while driving, even at the park. I can’t even imagine how many strangers have seen my boobs at this point.
Prior to having Kairo, I had no idea that pumping was a sustainable option. I thought women did it while they were away at work, then returned home to nurse their baby. Most doctors don’t promote this as a long term option because they don’t think it effectively maintains your supply. I’m a living testament that it is possible. It was never my plan to exclusively pump, but as motherhood (and life) will teach you: f*ck your plan! I’ve learned to go with the flow and find solutions to everything as they arise.
Most people won’t understand why you do it and to be honest, you’ll probably question yourself for choosing to do it. You’ll want to quit and you might even feel a little bit of resentment, but when you see your baby thrive off of your milk, it’ll all be worth it. Pumping has made me value time with my son so much more and it’s made me appreciate my body. This journey has been a huge sacrifice of sleep, time, physical health, mental health, friendships and opportunities, but I would do it all again if I needed to. I guess that’s what happens when you’re a Viktorious mama; You’re willing to give up anything to ensure your baby has the best. I’m almost at a year of pumping and I don’t see any end in sight. I will do this for as long as Kairo wants my milk and my body is able to produce it. It’s impossible to predict how things will unfold and it’s even harder to accept reality when it is so different than what you had imagined, but I find peace in knowing that every experience I have is meant especially for me.
